The Alchemist

2012-01-21T03:28:00.001-05:00

Virginia Slammer

2012-01-14T22:52:00.001-05:00

So there are times, when I’ve gone a long time without posting, that I am tempted to just turn this thing into a food blog. I could probably post at least a couple of times each month if I were satisfied with the sort of writing I see on nearly every food blog – rote repetition of the facts, pictures (sometimes pretty), and often some sort of rating system for the experience if it is had outside

2011-11-10T21:25:00.001-05:00

Home Sweet Deck.

2011-09-03T22:33:00.001-04:00

After that last post about my hideous neighbors…I figured maybe I ought to say a few words about what I LIKE about my apartment. 1. It has two bedrooms. No, seriously. My last apartment didn’t even technically have one – it was an “open concept” one-bedroom. Which meant: kitchen/dining room and living/bedroom. Fine for me, but inconvenient when having guests, since this also meant I

To be continued.

2011-09-01T22:30:00.001-04:00

So it was brought to my attention, by a new reader of The Alchemist, that a certain long-running plotline was never resolved. Namely, “whatever happened to the VGLM???” He got married about two weeks ago. After obsessing over him for far too long, getting over him and becoming fairly good friends with him, I kind of lost touch with him my last year in Toronto. We had evolved into a

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

2011-08-22T22:57:00.001-04:00

When I took my current job, it involved a major move on almost no notice. When I came for my interview, I took it as a good sign that the department had put together a packet (read: binder) of information for me…guidelines for all of the majors at my university that require chemistry…information about benefits…a folder from the local chamber of commerce with information about the school system,

Letters From the Front: Hookah-ed.

2011-08-18T21:52:00.001-04:00

Pennsic, in general, has many traditions…many social events…lots to do. Blood Moon, in particular, has…well…two. The first time I started this series, I wrote about Scotch Broth night. That’s one. And a lovely, family-friendly ritual it is. The other one? The other one is called Hookah. And no, it has nothing to do with smoking. Hookah is the one “party” Blood Moon throws.

Letters From the Front: Ma-ma-ma-My Persona

2011-08-17T23:08:00.001-04:00

After my first Pennsic, I wrote: “I never felt the need to have a persona, so I didn't. There was talk of giving me a name, and I think if I'm ever going to assume one, that's how it will have to happen. I mean, my persona is and always will be a saucy gypsy, but for now, she remains nameless.” She is no longer nameless. My second Pennsic was very different from the first. Brother

Letters From the Front: Shop ‘Til You Drop

2011-08-17T00:29:00.001-04:00

I had heard this well before my first Pennsic… “The shopping! OH MY GOD, THE SHOPPING!” And my mental response was, “um, great! For what?” (I never actually asked this, mind you. Ever since I was a wee ‘hooty, I always preferred to think first, observe later, and only ask questions as a last resort. Long before I ever heard it articulated as such, I subscribed to the “better to be silent

Letters From the Front: Under Siege

2011-08-14T23:02:00.001-04:00

So, at my first Pennsic, when Brother picked me up, we stopped for some groceries on the way back to camp. One of the things he needed was posterboard and markers. He needed to make a sign. This was the result: See, Pennsic is a full two weeks long. The first week is for the hardcore campers. There are fewer classes offered, the crowds are smaller, the parties are less crowded. With

Gettin’ Medieval

2011-08-14T21:27:00.001-04:00

Three years ago, I attempted to write about how Pennsic changed me. It did not go unnoticed that I only got two entries written out of a planned series of 8. Sorry about that. But I have just returned from my third Pennsic, and am once again struggling to readjust to the Mundane world. My Pennsic experience is much different now, but no less affecting. I feel the need to write…to

Family Secrets (Vol.1)

2011-05-06T22:20:00.001-04:00

Tonight I perfected one of my all-time favorite foods. I can remember when I first asked my dad for the recipe – it was right after 9/11, when I needed comfort foods. His response was, “why couldn’t you ask for something easy? That’s one of those things I just…DO.” In short, there was a recipe once upon a time, but my mom and dad have been making it for so many decades that there’s no

In Memoriam.

2011-05-02T00:00:00.001-04:00

Nearly ten years ago, I puttered around too long, getting ready to go to work. As a result, I witnessed world change unfold as one plane hit the World Trade Center. The response was confusion, until the second one hit. Nearly ten years ago, I felt my heart stop when I heard two more planes were en route to Washington, DC, where I had a father in a government building, a close friend at the

Martha Stewart for the New Millennium

2011-04-17T22:17:00.001-04:00

I had a thought while I was cooking dinner tonight. The world needs a new cooking show. One that represents, not the woman we all want to be, but the woman we all actually ARE. A woman who often begins her Sunday with a long to-do list full of plans for household chores, home improvements, and things that have to be done before work on Monday. A woman who has the best of intentions, but

Letter to the Editor

2011-02-23T19:27:00.001-05:00

Pardon me, regular readers, while I go public for a sec. Khao San Road, a restaurant in Toronto that I consider a friend was recently reviewed by one of the national Canadian papers. This reviewer visited on the seventh day of business at this particular restaurant, and wrote this review on the basis of one (and only one) visit. For those of you not familiar with the general ethical code

Laid back.

2011-02-20T01:13:00.001-05:00

It seems all I do anymore is rant, so I figured I’d just tell y’all about my day this time instead. A few years ago, my parents decided to institute “Fishy Fridays” in their household. It began before they retired, but after my dad had taken over “weekend cooking” duties, something that happened well after my brother and I left home. I’m sure it was partly motivated by years of my mother’s

Pardon My Pretentious Ass.

2011-02-17T22:21:00.001-05:00

Since I don’t teach on Fridays, Thursdays are my Friday nights. Before you commence slapping me for being obnoxious, I assure you, I put in my 40-50 hours/week. I simply relish being able to put in as many of them as possible from my apartment, and Friday is the one day I have the luxury of doing that all day. Although, more often than not, Friday is the ONE day of the week I do NOT work – I’

I teach, therefore I drink.

2011-02-14T21:17:00.001-05:00

Did you ever wonder when you were in college…what things you might have done that pissed your professors right the fuck off? Case Study #1: I receive an e-mail from a student informing me that she has plans to leave for spring break on Thursday of the preceding week. I have a test scheduled for that day, and she asks about rescheduling. I ask WHY she is leaving early for spring break.

Customer Disservice

2011-01-12T21:10:00.001-05:00

When people ask how I’m adjusting to small-town life after four years in Toronto, my answers are generally positive. “Small-town Midwesterners are lovely people.” “My students are so sweet and awesome.” Etc. And the thing is, I actually mean it. I have received some of the best customer service of my life since I moved here. That is, until I came home tonight, too exhausted to even make a

I could do 12 days of Christmas in 12 hours.

2010-12-14T18:10:00.001-05:00

Note: this post was originally started about a week ago. Today was just all kinds of awesome. The last couple of weeks have been insanely stressful. Like heart-palpitations-every-time-I-do-something-as-strenuous-as-walking-to-my-car stressful. I tried cutting caffeine entirely, and no improvement. The only thing that helped was this week. It’s the last week of classes, and I had a week

Disassemble? No disassemble!

2010-12-12T01:42:00.001-05:00

Dear World Market, As a single girl, I have put together a lot of flat-pack furniture in my day. I am no longer fazed by the words “assembly required”…nay, I am thrilled by them because it means I can buy furniture that fits in my car, and enjoy the satisfaction of putting it together when I get home. When I got my prized purchase home this evening, my first sign of trouble should have

Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.

2010-12-08T21:21:00.001-05:00

One of the great things about my Thanksgiving trip was the revelation that I could take a train from Grand Rapids to Chicago. Any time I plan a trip, I always check the Amtrak just in case. Just in case it’s cheaper, or easier, or just plain better than a TSA patdown or a full day in the car. And it never is. Like, NEVER. But this time it was! I could take a train directly from GR…no

Thank you for letting me be myself again.

2010-11-29T22:28:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving always seems to be good fodder for blog posts, whether they be of the nostalgic or culinary variety. And this year is no exception. I miss Toronto like crazy. Seriously, sometimes in fits of homesickness I wonder if I should have stayed there unemployed rather than moving here to take a job. Oh, sure, reality eventually sets in when I realize how much I love my damn job and

Request Week: Stop trying to make “fetch” happen.

2010-11-20T13:15:00.001-05:00

Courtesy of Melissa Davey: “Lindsay Lohan.” To be honest, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about Lindsay Lohan at this point. Sure, I think she actually has a great talent somewhere under all of the booze and blow, and it’s sad to see all of that go to waste. And Mean Girls is still a movie I will watch any time it’s on TV (although, to be fair, that probably has more to do with my devotion to

Best. Birthday present. Ever.

2010-11-17T22:04:00.001-05:00

I. LOVE. THIS WOMAN. Watch the full episode. See more Mark Twain Prize.

You’ve got a bright future in sales…

2010-11-17T00:33:00.001-05:00

Dear Maurices, Why is it that you (and other clothing stores) seem to require my name, rank, and serial number before you will sell me a t-shirt? When I was living in Canada, I never had to have the following conversation when purchasing clothing: Well-Meaning Salesgirl: Phone number? Wahooty: um… W-MS: First and last name?

"Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything."–Kurt Vonnegut

2010-11-16T00:57:00.001-05:00

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear me-eee, happy birthday to me. I am now in my 33rd year. That’s right, my Jesus Year. While the answer to WWJD? remains to be seen, let’s at least hope that I’ll manage to skip that whole crucifixion thing. It has been a hell of a year (emphasis on the Hell). This is a weird birthday since I think mentally I’m still

I was born a poor black child.

2010-11-10T22:00:00.001-05:00

I recently made a new online friend. No, not Friend, just friend. I now live in a small town in Michigan, where there is no Fine Dining. Hell, there’s barely Dining – this is a place where people merely eat. Luckily, I am less than an hour away from Grand Rapids, second-largest city in Michigan, and home to, among other things, a damn good brewery and….…RESTAURANTS. Okay, not

Contact.

2010-09-16T21:47:00.001-04:00

I know you’re out there. Requests have been made. My webcounter is suddenly showing hits again, from all sorts of interesting places. Among other things, there appears to have been a sudden resurgence in interest from Down Under…you people have GOT to get lives. But your cries are not falling on deaf ears. I’m just busy as all hell. Soon, things will change. Soon, I will be SO.

Request Week: Over the River and Through the Woods…

2010-08-29T21:59:00.001-04:00

Growing up, my mom was always very frugal. It was a revelation somewhere around 9th grade when she told me it was okay to do my back-to-school shopping at…gasp…the MALL instead of K-Mart, and that I was getting to an age where I wouldn’t be growing out of things as quickly so it was okay to invest a little more in my clothing and buy a little more of it. But, to keep things in perspective, my

Finally got a piece of the pie.

2010-08-25T20:28:00.001-04:00

With apologies to Em and granny panties and slurpees everywhere (topics that will be addressed soon)…I have an announcement. Ahem. The aforementioned verboten topic of “Jobs” is once again open for discussion. Since we last left Wahooty, she has, quite frankly, been through a lot. Made friends, lost friends, remade lost friends, made money, lost money, made dinner. But to make a long

The Holy Roman Empire is neither Holy, nor Roman. Nor an Empire. Discuss.

2010-07-29T11:19:00.001-04:00

So I’ve been a little verklempt lately. I suppose it's time for me to explain myself. If you've been reading for any period of time, you've probably noticed that my posts can generally be grouped into the following categories: Shit That Amuses Me, Shit That Pisses Me Off, and Shit That Makes Me Very, Very Sad. Sometimes, I can even manage to be Very, Very Sad about something that Pissed Me

We Are Not Alone.

2009-10-13T22:26:00.001-04:00

You know, I find that the way I write changes based on who I think/know is reading. And lately, I've been so caught up in my own head that I'm back in a place where I find myself writing as though I don't really think anyone is reading at all - kind of like how I write my Chowhound posts (it still always strikes me as weird finding out anybody is actually READING those damned things). You know

Like a handprint on my heart…

2009-08-09T23:14:00.001-04:00

Today I read a post of Dave’s that resonated so strongly with some of the things that have been running through my head for the last few months that I feel compelled to contribute. I’ve been thinking an awful lot about the nature of friendship lately, since I find myself surrounded on a daily basis with people who don’t seem to place the same importance on it that I do. To the point that I was

Whiiiiiiiiiiiine…and Cheese.

2009-04-04T01:24:00.001-04:00

Man, it’s been one of those days. I woke up 15 minutes before my alarm. But with that incredibly groggy - “man, I hope when I look at the clock I’ll see that I can sleep for another two hours” but then when you do you realize you CAN’T -feeling. So I reset my alarm for half an hour later. And then couldn’t go back to sleep. You know, one of THOSE days. Had a minor

2009-02-06T22:38:00.001-05:00

Look, I get it. Valentine's Day is coming up, and that's like Christmas for dating services. That being said, I harbor an unspeakable level of hatred towards these people: Seriously. MAKE IT STOP. Nobody cares about your fuckin' drywall dancing, and most of us "geeky chemist" types find it more offensive than endearing that you were so surprised that your beloved Joshua might actually

Shadowboxing

2009-02-03T00:35:00.001-05:00

(This post was written on Monday, Feb. 2, just not finished until today.) On my way into the subway on my way home from work today, I overheard the following conversation: Girl: So, wait...what do you think about Jesus? Boy: I believe he was a prophet. Girl: Yeah, so that's where you and I differ. I don't believe in aliens, and I don't believe in Jesus. I mean, I believe he existed, but

Can I have a word?

2009-01-18T20:46:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, I wonder what people are thinking. Case in point, the following excerpt from an IM conversation I had with a (Canadian) friend who is turning the Big Girl age of 23 on Tuesday, the same day that Barack Obama is being inaugurated as the 44th President of the United States: says: gawd I'm sad I am not going to be there

Don't Fear the Ripper.

2009-01-11T01:00:00.001-05:00

So, this post has been inspired by a number of things. First, I have had a hard time thinking of a worthwhile New Year's resolution this year. Last year, I resolved to get out of debt. And I did. I'm having a hard time following that. But I never write anymore, so I decided to go with some simple resolutions: write more often, and take my violin out and tinker with it occasionally. These

Thanksgiving Leftovers.

2008-12-09T18:23:00.001-05:00

WARNING: THIS IS A COOKING-RELATED POST. FEEL FREE TO SKIP IT IF YOU FIND SUCH THINGS BORING. I WOULDN'T DO THIS SORT OF THING IF I DIDN'T HAVE FRIENDS THAT ASK ME FOR RECIPES. OR IF I WROTE THINGS DOWN WHILE I COOK INSTEAD OF POURING ANOTHER GLASS OF WINE. WHAT'S THAT? DON'T MIND IF I DO... I love the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. It sort of represents the best and worst of American

Talk Nerdy to Me.

2008-10-15T01:28:00.001-04:00

Over the last several months, I've undergone The Change. No, not menopause, you assholes, I'm not THAT old. I have embraced...The Nerdy. Don't get me wrong...I've always been a nerd. But I have worked at cultivating a careful balance between the Nerdy and the Relatively Cool. In high school, I was the smartest girl in my class (hate that I have to add that "girl" qualifier, but it

I'm f---ing Matt Damon.

2008-09-11T09:14:00.001-04:00

My Republican friends might want to skip this one, unless you are seriously dissatisfied with your party's VP candidate. I love you all dearly, and you know how much I hate to talk politics, and I DEFINITELY don't want a political debate in my comments, but I had to share this because it kind of makes me hot: I actually have a great deal of respect for John McCain. I like that, for

I am definitely too old to be watching MTV.

2008-09-08T01:25:00.001-04:00

Yeah, I admit it. But my lust for all things pop-cultural and my desire to not, in fact, fold my laundry or do my dishes means that I must watch the increasingly-irrelevant VMAs. And, since I did it last year, according to my brother's and my defintion as kids, that makes it tradition. Therefore, I must share my thoughts. Read my stream of consciousness at thine own risk. Okay, first of

This is so cool.

2008-09-03T18:51:00.001-04:00

Okay, only readers from my college years such as Em, Will, and Dave can possibly understand why. This showed up on Entertainment Weekly's main page Wednesday: Yeah, that's Sarah Drew. And while I never watched Everwood (although I've been meaning to on DVD - I always heard it was v. good, Sarah's performance in particular), and I DEFINITELY haven't watched Private Practice (I watched Grey's

Letters from the front: Day 3.

2008-09-01T00:27:00.001-04:00

Sunday starts much the same as Saturday did: I am up early, with very little to keep me amused. But there's one small difference this time: now I have friends other than Brother and Girlfriend. Two of my new friends (Ashlyn and Luphin) are also up early, and headed up to the Merchants to get coffee. They invite me along. This is the only War I know of that has coffee shops. Sitting and

Serving Suggestion

2008-08-21T00:13:00.001-04:00

Those that know me even a little bit know that I am a fairly rabid foodie. I don't generally write much about it because a) I realize that not everyone reading this is a rabid foodie and 2) even rabid foodies like myself find food-oriented blogs excruciatingly boring. Oh, sure, I've found some great ideas/recipes on food blogs, but I have yet to add a single one to my Google Reader.

Letters from the front: Day 2.

2008-08-12T22:29:00.001-04:00

So the problem with living in a Mundane tent is that, in the morning, the sun hits it and they heat up pretty quickly. This is why, on a normal camping trip, I tend to be rather early-to-bed-early-to-rise. In the dead of summer, the sun comes up early, and heats up fast, so sleeping in isn't really an option. This is why most people at War try to camp in tents that look like this: Notice

Letters from the front: Day 1.

2008-08-10T22:49:00.001-04:00

So I'm still not quite sure what to expect when I get to Pennsic - all I know is that I'm pretty sure it will be fun. After a long day on the bus and so little sleep that I actually slept on my bus segments (and believe you me, that means I was TIRED), my brother is there waiting for me at the bus station in Pittsburgh when my bus arrives a little bit late. After a quick check with the ticket

De-Briefing.

2008-08-10T21:48:00.001-04:00

Well, I thought I would have a lot of time for writing during my trip. Actually, I spent an awful lot of my free time chatting/crafting/drinking/fiddling, and very little of it reading and writing. Even less doing 'rithmetic. And now that I am trying to re-adapt to the modern world, where there are e-mails to answer and groceries to buy and laundry to do, I am watching the Olympics and

Have fun storming the castle!

2008-07-31T16:57:00.001-04:00

So...The Alchemist is going to be a pretty quiet place for the next week or so. Not that you guys will notice the difference, but whatever. I'm going on vacation, and I'm going to a place where there is no internet. No, seriously, I'll be in the Middle Ages for the next 8 days or so. I am about to embark on the single nerdiest thing I have ever done. I am attending the Pennsic War. In

Tunic Tuesday

2008-07-30T15:39:00.001-04:00

The pile of fabric was successfully converted into a tunic-shaped pile of fabric, and eventually an actual tunic. Just thought you all would want to know the latest. Am I being cryptic enough yet? Are you people DYING to know why I am suddenly making tunic-type things? Golly, I hope so.

Happiness is...

2008-07-27T23:47:00.001-04:00

Coming home to a freshly vacuumed apartment and cold leftover chili chicken from the Hakka restaurant down the street in the fridge. I should get a cleaning lady so I can feel like this more often. Unfortunately, that freshly laundered fabric that is patiently waiting to be turned into a tunic is still mocking me. More on that later. Many...many things I want to write about, but it

Like, Totally OMG!

2008-07-24T13:14:00.001-04:00

In the interest of full disclosure: I am blogging at work. I don't normally do this but hey, it's lunchtime, and I'm writing ABOUT work, so it's not totally egregious. I had the weirdest conversation with a sales rep this morning. He was calling me to follow up on a request I made yesterday...you know, one of those online forms where you tell them what product you're interested in and why,

Hmm. So there's that.

2008-07-13T21:36:00.001-04:00

This post is more about sorting out my thoughts than about being funny/angry/whatever it is that you people come here for. So I apologize for the interruption, and shall try to resume regularly scheduled snark as soon as possible. So, I met the guy from Oshawa today for a couple of beers. I don't really know what to say about it, but I figured I owed it to you people to follow up and keep you

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.

2008-07-13T03:03:00.001-04:00

Once upon a 1:30am subway transfer... There's an old(ish) guy with a grocery cart. That should've been enough to push my "Avoid" button, but as I walk by him, he asks, "How do I get upstairs?" A quick look around reveals I am the only person in the immediate vicinity, so I point to the end of the platform where there is an elevator that will take him to street level. "You just need to

Blerg.

2008-07-09T16:12:00.001-04:00

You know what should never, ever happen? The Night Bus on a Tuesday. This is what happens when your friends don't have the decency to have their birthdays fall on a Friday or Saturday like civilized people do. Also, I apparently really enjoy guys named Ryan who have girlfriends. Seriously - this is the third one in a year and a half that I have found myself really enjoying chatting with.

Apropos of Nothing

2008-07-08T13:30:00.001-04:00

So...I haven't written in a while, due to a combination of being out of town on weekends/not noticing anything amusing enough to warrant its own post/having to actually write something for work. But I have had a few thoughts lately that I might as well share: 1. I'm apparently sassy today. Probably the cumulative effect of the heat, the bus air conditioner dripping on me all the way to the

Guess I'll Go Eat Worms.

2008-06-17T22:51:00.001-04:00

So here we are, not even two weeks into the great eHarmony eXperiment (Volume 2), and it's already going downhill fast. So far, out of over 40 matches, four have tried to communicate with me. Bachelor #1 listed his profession as "transportation." Translation: bus driver. In response to "Describe one thing only your closest friends know about you" he answered, "I once drove 4 hours through a

Owner of a Lone eHeart

2008-06-04T23:28:00.001-04:00

So...my life is currently boring me to tears. Spending a little quality time with the men in my life over the last couple of weeks has made me realize that I'm just not getting out enough (as opposed to just not getting enough. Which would also be true.). I've been feeling frustrated, and lonely, and just generally disgusted with myself. And, as much as I've enjoyed my evenings across a table

Spin Cycle

2008-06-01T11:06:00.001-04:00

I promise, this will be the last Sex and the City-related post for a while. But I gotta get one more in - the marketing blitz has warped my mind to the point of viewing the world through pink, sparkly glasses... One of the things people love/hate about SATC is the formula. Most TV shows have one - it what keeps them consistent, earns the viewers' loyalty, and (in the case of a good one)

NO SEX FOR YOU!

2008-05-29T17:42:00.001-04:00

THAT title got your attention, didn't it? As of yesterday, I was all aquiver with anticipation for my weekend. A Friend From Work (not to be confused with a Friend I Work With - this is not one of my labmates) proposed getting a group of girls together to go see the Sex and the City movie on opening night...maybe have dinner before a late show. Now, it should come as a surprise to no one

Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars...

2008-05-17T22:55:00.001-04:00

Let's make this one our Long-Distance Dedication. Tonight's dedication comes to us from #1 in Indianapolis, IN. #1 writes*: #1 says: will you please post a blog about nkotb? please include comments on their recent today show appearance, the new single "summertime" and their upcoming tour...fyi -- the chicago show is SOLD OUT and i can't get tickets now... Wahooty says: lol...

What about your friends? (Continued)

2008-05-16T16:56:00.001-04:00

Facebook update: Only Em, Dave, and Will will possibly get how exciting that last item is, but I had to brag anyway. For the rest of you, Mike was a Very Cute Singing Boy in my favorite a cappella group when I was in college. And, unlike most of the Very Cute Singing Boys, he was actually a Very Nice, Very Cute Singing Boy who would not only remember having met you at a crowded party, but

What about your friends?

2008-04-30T11:51:00.001-04:00

Okay, I resisted Facebook for the longest time, and I STILL patently refuse to EVER join MySpace, but this just totally made my day: That's right. Jay Mcfuckin'Carroll is my homie. Sometimes it pays to get drunk and send friend requests to random reality star/fashion designers while purchasing Flight of the Conchords CDs on iTunes. And yeah, I'm not ashamed to say that's my idea of a rockin

Bananahammocks.

2008-04-25T23:31:00.001-04:00

All-Request Week continues. This one goes out to Em in The Middle of Nowhere, Iowa. Most of my closest friendships are maintained long-distance these days. And while I think I've gotten pretty good at making that work - most of the years I lived in Indiana I really never lived alone, because I regularly came home at night to dish and watch TV with Em via IM - it sucks when one of your best

Working Like a Dog.

2008-04-17T15:43:00.001-04:00

We interrupt All-Request Week to bring you this brief message: There's an old Far Side cartoon that I always think of on days like today. I wasn't able to find the cartoon I had in mind, and Gary Larson is known for actually, you know, trying to protect his intellectual property (crazy bastard), so rather than risk a cease-and-desist order (I do reach TENS of readers, after all), I will try

Three's Company

2008-04-15T18:05:00.001-04:00

Okay, I'm going to start All-Request Week with Ian's request, because I found it surprisingly easy to answer. However, the phone lines are still open - keep sending requests. You've given me some interesting things to think about. You are able to sit down and have dinner with 3 people, past or present and talk to them for 3 hours. Who would they be and why? I feel a bit like I'm on a

You're the inspiration.

2008-04-05T00:11:00.001-04:00

So...you may have noticed that things have been a little quiet around here. Well, if I'm being totally honest, life has been a little dull of late. If I were to write about what I've been up to lately, it would go something like this: 1. Ate lots of things that were bad for me. 2. Haven't been working out. 3. Put on enough weight to officially make my pants not fit. 4.

Meh, whatever.

2008-03-24T00:53:00.001-04:00

A conversation with a friend tonight reminded me of a favorite movie quote, "You need to resign yourself to the awkwardness of life. Only if you find peace within yourself will you find true connection with others." I meant to write a long post this weekend. I mentally composed paragraphs on several topics. However, thinking takes very little effort...writing, marginally more so. I found

Horoscopes are such crap.

2008-03-14T16:34:00.001-04:00

This was my horoscope today: You are more hopeful today that you can be happy without turning your life upside down. The bad news is that you are being led by your fantasies. The good news is that you are fully capable of making your dreams, however unrealistic, come true. Planning can make the difference between failure and success. That's not all. This was yesterday's: You may feel

Sweet Home Canada

2008-03-10T12:19:00.001-04:00

So, if you read my last post, and if you happen to have heard that Toronto was buried by about a foot of snow on Saturday, you may be expecting a fresh rant, chock-full of fury about all of the trouble I had getting back into town yesterday. Well, I hate to disappoint anyone, but it was pretty uneventful. I think this pretty much sums it up: I made it home tired, fat, happy, and

I just wanna fly.

2008-03-03T00:31:00.001-05:00

A tale of two three FOUR?!? SERIOUSLY?!? cities... Pretty much anyone who has talked to me in the last couple of weeks knows that I am going to be in New Orleans for the next week - a business trip with a little vacation mixed in that I have been looking forward to for about 6 months now. And these same people have a tendency, when something exciting like this happens to me, to ask something

Crikey!

2008-02-26T11:51:00.002-05:00

Andy Warhol famously said, "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." My generation seems to have turned his sarcastic observation about the state of pop culture into some sort of birthright - "reality" show contestants and internet "celebrities" are often heard expressing an appalling sense of entitlement - "Dammit, I want my 15 minutes of fame!" Dude. The quote

10(ish) Things that pissed me off about the Oscars.

2008-02-24T23:56:00.001-05:00

1. Ryan Seacrest. Seriously want to reach through my TV to slap him. I always watch the red carpet coverage because it's the only time you get to look at all of the pretty dresses. But I can't handle the inane interviews. Or your weird chocolate lapels. And you can't mute it because then you won't know who MADE the pretty dresses or, more importantly, who made the ass-ugly ones. 2.

I am in an emotional cal-de-sac.

2008-02-24T02:47:00.001-05:00

I need to go on a date. It has officially been so long that I now would rather go on a bad date than no date at all. If nothing else, just to prove to myself that I'd rather it be the other way around. I need to mix it up. Every guy that I've met in the last 6 months that is crush-worthy either proved to be otherwise or taken. Seriously - I am wildly popular with guys with girlfriends/

The Night Shift

2008-02-09T03:43:00.000-05:00

The night bus fuckin' rules.Usually, taking the night bus means waiting a brief eternity. At a cold intersection. And occasionally meeting Zanta. But sometimes, you get lucky. Tonight, I waited for a few minutes before catching the first night bus after the subway stopped running. I have never understood exactly why the subway stops running approximately 6 minutes before closing time. As

Stupid is as Stupid does.

2008-01-14T23:37:00.000-05:00

The start of this post will be delayed while the author juices some limes.Mama needs her tequila for this one.Let me start by saying that I like giving advice. I'm generally much better at figuring out what other people should do with their lives than what I should with mine. And I must give halfway decent advice, because the same people ask for it over and over. I figure this either makes me

Google Update

2008-01-13T19:52:00.000-05:00

Okay, so apparently, if you mention Google a few dozen times in a single post, you suddenly get a lot more click-throughs from Google hits. Apparently. Since I put up my post on the topic less than 72 hours ago, I have had people visit my site after Googling:elvis cake pan (TWO MORE TIMES. Am starting to consider leaving chemistry to enter celebrity-shaped confectionery business - clearly

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do."

2008-01-13T06:06:00.000-05:00

-Dylan ThomasYou would think I would have something to add here, but no.

Watch you weave then breathe your story lines

2008-01-10T22:18:00.000-05:00

If the Pope shits behind a fallen tree in the forest and there isn't a blogger around to hear it, does it sound like one hand clapping?One of my Faithful Readers (tm) IM'ed me today (allegedly) to bitch about the fact that I'm not posting all that often these days (allegedly). Dave honey, this one is (allegedly) for you - I've been compiling it for a few months, and I guess now is as good a time

Should auld acquaintance be forgot?

2008-01-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

New Year's Eve just ain't all it's cracked up to be. It's like Valentine's Day - full of optimism and planning, and nearly always disappointing.About a month and a half ago, I had a conversation that went as follows:Me: I'm trying to decide on Christmas travel plans.Unidentified Other Person: Yeah? What's the problem?Me: I can spend New Years' either here or at home. If I stay home, I am

Haven't you always wanted a monkey?

2007-12-07T00:21:00.000-05:00

I just spent the evening in an infomercial.You know the ones...where someone is playing the "host," and all of their "friends" just "happen" to be sitting around an abnormally large breakfast bar in the kitchen while they accidentally show them how AMAZING this new kitchen gadget is. The only thing is, I'm not entirely sure what the infomercial was for.Landlady invited me to a "Ladies' Night"

I believe your exact words were: "Hey Spacey, pay it forward."

2007-11-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

Aww...it's Baby's First Meme!Okay, I got this from Mup's blog, who got it from someone, who...you know the drill. Now, unlike Mup, I actually HATED the movie Pay it Forward. But I do think it's a nice concept, and for the first time in, oh, ever, I'm actually experiencing the thrill of doing my Christmas shopping without worrying about how much I'm spending. It's amazing what a giving mood

Thank You, Disillusionment.

2007-11-25T23:58:00.000-05:00

You know, sometimes I don't know why I even bother.Today was lovely. I was having a very domestic day - I got up, started my laundry, made breakfast, and started preparing a Big Dinner. I should say here that one of my favorite ways to spend a weekend day is preparing a big dinner, and I decided that I was going to make myself Thanksgiving dinner today (since I was too busy working/pouting on

Don't Go Thinking I'm Not Thankful

2007-11-24T01:17:00.000-05:00

So I spent yesterday pretending it didn't bother me to be working on Thanksgiving.Now, some of you may be saying to yourselves, "Self, I seem to remember that this is not Wahooty's first Thanksgiving away from home." And yes, Self, you would be correct. In fact, I haven't been Home for Thanksgiving since 1999. That was a whole 'nother millennium, in fact.Not spending Thanksgiving with Mom, Dad

Like Agnes, Agatha, Jermaine, and Jack.

2007-11-15T21:58:00.000-05:00

Well, tonight is officially the last night of my 20's. And while I would like to spout some "age ain't nuttin' but a number" bullshit, I have to admit that yes, it bothers me. I'm hardly the first of my friends to celebrate this particular birthday this year, and I've thought quite a bit about the inevitable mopey, self-indulgent blog post that I would eventually write about how I am very happy

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

2007-11-07T00:04:00.000-05:00

Continuing on with the general happiness theme, I present a few of my favorite things, as of this evening:Victoria Beckham.I started to rethink my stance on Posh a few months ago, but then the new Spice Girls single had pretty much killed that. Until I found out that she is doing a guest spot on Ugly Betty. Now she is getting dangerously close to can-do-no-wrong territory. I can almost forgive

"You know why super villains are so unhappy, Arthur? They don't treasure the little things."

2007-11-05T16:04:00.000-05:00

There is an Oscar Levant quote that goes, "Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember." I guess I'm an oddity then, because I am often well aware that I am experiencing happiness. As in, I will be walking down the street, or eating a meal, and thinking to myself, "Damn, this is making me happy right now!" And then I'll say something to that effect to whoever happens

The Terrible Trivium

2007-10-29T14:29:00.000-04:00

Your Random Act of Trivia (tm) of the day, courtesy of mental_floss:Q: What classic rock hit was inspired by a scene in the Mel Brooks film Young Frankenstein? A: Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way.” Steven Tyler revealed that the band saw the film late one evening after a recording session for the Toys in the Attic album. He was inspired by a gag scene where Igor prompts Dr. Frankenstein to “walk this

I'm too old for this shit.

2007-10-12T01:06:00.000-04:00

How old do I have to get before I no longer have to deal with people who can't hold their liquor?I got roped into going to a pub night tonight. Last year, I went to this event, and at some point, Labmate disappeared into the bathroom for an extended period of time. Guess who was sent to check on her? Repeatedly?I believe the people who make good drunk-sitters are those who have needed a

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. And the commemorative coin set.

2007-09-30T22:07:00.000-04:00

Things you have to have done in order to truly understand the Wahooty:1. Smelled your dental floss. Hey, it's the only way you know your teeth are truly clean.2. Done dishes that have been sitting in the sink so long that they smell EXACTLY like your dental floss on one of those not-so-fresh days.3. Done dishes while rather intoxicated.Remembered that there is no #4.5. Been appalled by your

Chop Suey

2007-09-22T23:54:00.000-04:00

Tonight I decided that I needed to go out to eat. All by myself, like a big girl. I just didn't feel like sitting at home all by my lonesome, so I might as well take my lonesome out on the town.So I headed to a nearby pub. But when I got there, it was fairly full, with a crowd much older than I, and it just wasn't the atmosphere I was looking for. Plus, I had realized by that time that what I

J-J-Jaded

2007-09-16T01:24:00.000-04:00

My horoscope for today was:You may sense a current of feeling that runs deeper than what you've been recently experiencing. On one hand, this can be quite exciting, for you are attracted to the intensity and may believe that you are getting closer to something very significant. On the other hand, you are fearful of losing yourself into this powerful flow. Discuss it with a close friend to get a

Irony is the hygiene of the mind.

2007-09-12T16:26:00.000-04:00

The U of T, in its infinte wisdom, has been inundating my building (or at least my floor) with posters lately. One surfaced in the washroom, explaining the fundamentals of hand-washing. Because I guess if you've managed to make it to the upper echelon of academia without ever learning to wash your hands after you pee, the only logical explanation is that you've never had a proper visual aide.

Yin and Yang

2007-09-09T23:51:00.000-04:00

This evening, I had two dueling streams of thought. So I present them as follows. I have done you all the courtesy of separating the streams into their respective topics, as I thought writing the whole thought process verbatim would have been completely incomprehensible. As it is, it is merely a complete waste of your time. You have been duly warned.YIN:I present my stream of consciousness

Martha Stewart is my hero.

2007-09-07T11:14:00.000-04:00

Okay, the many joys of working at home are as follows:1) A bottomless cup of coffee, made exactly the way you like it and very reasonably priced. Served in a handmade ceramic mug, no less (or maybe just if you're working in MY home).2) Being able to run your Saturday errands on Friday, saving much line-waiting, crowd-navigating time.3) Working in your PJ's.3.2) Not having to put on makeup or do

It's a question of obsession.

2007-09-05T16:17:00.000-04:00

Someone is seriously messing with me today.It was raining this morning when I was getting ready, so there was absolutely no point in trying to do anything with my hair, as any effort would be promptly undone by the humidity well before I even arrived at work. On a normal day I wouldn't care, but it just so happens that I'm supposed to be meeting someone for a movie after work. I don't know yet

Holy crap...

2007-09-04T20:07:00.000-04:00

...does Canadian Idol suck.I mean...WOW.

I believe you can get me through the night.

2007-08-28T17:11:00.000-04:00

Aaaaaand...we're back.I think I'm going to save up all of my summer travel adventures and write about them in a wee series after summer unofficially ends this weekend. After it rained all over my "camping" trip, the patio weather has returned in full force this week, and I'd rather spend my time taking advantage of it than typing in a basement. It seems it won't hurt you guys to wait just a bit

Gotta Get Up From Here

2007-08-20T22:10:00.000-04:00

Hey kids.You may have noticed that I'm not posting a lot. It's been a busy month - one vacation down, one starting tomorrow, guests coming in as soon as I get back, trying to actually accomplish something at work in between. So that leaves precious little time for blogging, I'm afraid. But I haven't forgotten about you, my beloved handful of faithful readers. I actually took notes during my