1. Ryan Seacrest. Seriously want to reach through my TV to slap him. I always watch the red carpet coverage because it's the only time you get to look at all of the pretty dresses. But I can't handle the inane interviews. Or your weird chocolate lapels. And you can't mute it because then you won't know who MADE the pretty dresses or, more importantly, who made the ass-ugly ones.
2. Mispunctuation. The title card of the ABC red carpet coverage says "Oscar's Red Carpet 2008." Anything that is going to be splashed across my screen at every commercial break should be free from glaring grammatical errors. Unless the red carpet is owned by an actual man named Oscar, I believe I am justified in my indignation.
3. Helen Mirren's rack. What kind of deal do you have to strike with Satan to get boobs like that? Mine never have, and never will, look as good as hers do. And she's literally twice my age. So unfair.
4. The way...just kidding. There is no #4.
5. Regis Philbin referring to this as the "80th anniversary" of the Academy Awards. No, it's the 80th ANNUAL Academy Awards. If the first one was in 1929, this would make it the 79th anniversary. Unless you and Joy celebrated your first anniversary on your wedding night, in which case I stand corrected. He also said something along the lines of "Nobody puts on a big production number like the Oscars." Um, actually, Reege, someone does. It's a little thing called Broadway. Look into it.
6. The excessive use of "My Heart Will Go On" during the "80 years of Oscar" montage. I fucking hate that song with the white-hot intensity of 10,000 suns. And again, that was really only 79 years of Oscar - there were no clips from this year's show. I'm just sayin'.
7. Renee Zellweger's haircut.
8. The fact that we had to get more than an hour into the show before someone used the word "buttocks" in an acceptance speech. Thank you, Tilda Swinton.
9. Nicole Kidman's inability to move her eyebrows.
10. The fact that we had to get more than two hours into the show before someone compared winning an Oscar to "male menopause." Thank you, Steven Spielberg.
One thing that did NOT piss me off: No Country for Old Men doing very well. I don't remember the last time I saw a movie that stuck with me so strongly. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that those Coen boys are gonna be big one of these days.
4 comments:
Hey Wahooty (I typed Wahotty by accident, thought you'd like to know that). Came to your blog through a link from crikey.com.
Love what you write!
well said - all those things were irritating.
but the thing that pissed me off the most was the coen brothers' complete inability to even fake being pleased. 3 oscars, no smiles.
thank god for frances mcdormand.
Maja, you can call me Wahotty if you want to. Yes, I TOTALLY enjoyed that - thanks for sharing. And thanks for tipping me off about Crikey. :)
Mskp, spoken like someone who hasn't known too many Minnesotans. :) Midwesterners tend to be rather reserved folk in general - my dad once had to assure me that he was giving me his highest praise when he told me a dinner I made was "pretty good." As much as I enjoy an exuberant acceptance speech, I'd rather hear a simple "thank you" than a long, boring, rehearsed list of names, which is what you usually see from people who have been around as long as the Coens. Of course, that being said, if I ever won an Oscar, I'd be much more of the Matt Damon/Ben Affleck school of acceptance, except the censors would probably get trigger-finger cramps from bleeping me out. But to each their own. :)
No worries :)
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