I teach, therefore I drink.

Did you ever wonder when you were in college…what things you might have done that pissed your professors right the fuck off?

 

Case Study #1:

I receive an e-mail from a student informing me that she has plans to leave for spring break on Thursday of the preceding week.  I have a test scheduled for that day, and she asks about rescheduling.

I ask WHY she is leaving early for spring break.  Students trying to leave a day early for any break is annoying, but two days is really stretching the limits of my patience.

“Well, my family already bought the tickets, and it was cheaper to leave on a Thursday…I can bring in proof that they were purchased back in September…”

I’m sorry, but what exactly the fuck is wrong with your parents that they decided, MONTHS before you even knew your class schedule, let alone exam dates, that “oh, it’s okay, we can pull her out of school a couple of days early to save a few hundred dollars.”  Sure, vacations are expensive.  But so is…oh…A COLLEGE EDUCATION.  How much are they spending on tuition this semester vs. the cost of this trip?  And which of those two things is more important??? 

I am not a complete asshole – I did allow her to schedule the test for a day early.  But I almost made her cry first.  Because SERIOUSLY????

 

Case Study #2:

We had our first test about a week and a half ago.  Now, I seem to be physically incapable of writing easy tests.  I want to know what my students know, and I get a lot more usable information out of a hard test.  It spreads them out, and having a low average is more than made up for by the massive grade-padding they receive from their labs and homework assignments.  If all of the grades are clumped together, you can’t tell who really understands the material and who is just really good at memorizing your lecture examples/homework problems.  And if you know me even a little bit, you know that I care much more about the former.  If I didn’t, I’d be a lazy-ass teacher.

And the last two weeks, I have had the same two students in my office, bitching about how hard the test was. 

Last week, I felt I talked them down.  But this week, they came to my office hour to ask some questions about their lab, and they were still clearly pissed off.  They asked what the average was…I told them.  It just so happens that percentage-wise, the average is a failing grade.  I have already given them an opportunity to earn back enough points that the class average is now a passing grade, and there will be another.  Have I mentioned that their grades are HEAVILY padded by lab reports and homeworks?  But they are hung up on the lowness of my test average.  They ask, “the average is failing.  If the entire class fails (at this point, I resist the urge to point out that this only indicates that HALF of the class has, in fact, failed – my students are even worse at statistics than they are at chemistry), then doesn’t that indicate that something is wrong?  Have you ever seen that before?”  I say, “yes.”  “In a 100-level class????”  I say, “yes.”

I pretty much end this conversation with a, “trust me, I know what I am doing.  You are not, in fact, all going to fail this course.  Now, do you want to actually talk to me about the lab?” 

Later, a math professor who lives in the next cubicle over told me, “I admire you for holding your ground there.  I have had tests where the class average was a failing grade.”

I asked, “in a 100-level class?”

“Math 126.  I wanted to come in and back you up, but figured that would just escalate the situation.”

SWEET, SWEET VINDICATION, YOU ARE MINE!!!

I’m a big girl.  I can admit I make mistakes.  My students catch at least one mistake every lecture when I write faster than my brain/mouth can keep up.  I would much rather be the sort of professor that can admit such things rather than the sort that blindly defends an answer that is clearly wrong.  However, THIS WAS NOT A MISTAKE.  The only mistake here is you convincing yourself you understood the material when it is PLAIN AS DAY that you did not.

 

Lately, there have been a lot of whisperings and full-on gnashing of teeth in academia due to a recently-published book.  A long-term study of college students determined that the majority of students are now graduating college, with degrees, not having made any appreciable improvements in their writing or critical thinking skills.  Students graduate saying things like, “I thought college was going to be harder than high school, but it turned out to be easier.”  In other words, you no longer have to learn anything to graduate college.  That’s FOUR YEARS, after which you are SUPPOSED to have a deeper understanding of at least ONE topic than the average person.  FOUR YEARS that are completely lacking in academic rigor.  I don’t know yet if I am part of the solution, but I for DAMN sure refuse to be a part of the problem.

 

So you wanna piss me off?  Ask me to dumb down my class for you.  Go ahead.