Stubborn Love.

Didja ever find a new band?

(Not truly “new.”  I’m not that hipster.)

But new to you.

And when you listened to their songs, you wanted to hit the internet to find out what movie soundtracks they were featured on, because you are POSITIVE that any scene set to their music would make you cry?

Even a commercial for Dick’s Sporting Goods?

Yeah, they’re that good.

Bully is as Bully Does.

I’m at a point in my life where I am forced to admit that I ain’t no spring chicken.  I’m a grown-ass woman of 35 now, which means that I can’t even pretend I am anything other than a grown-ass woman. 

There are certain things I always thought would be true by now:

1.  I would have a house.

2.  I would have a husband.

3.  I would have decided what I want to be when I grow up.

4.  I would have at least one child, and probably a puppy.

Sadly, none of these are true.  Well, #3 is half true, but while I have decided what I want to be, I haven’t decided how or where I want to be it.

 

There are also certain things I thought wouldn’t be true by now:

1.  I wouldn’t have to worry about whether I’m in the right job.

2.  I wouldn’t have to worry if I’m good at my job.

3.  I wouldn’t have acne.

4.  I wouldn’t have to deal with bullies.

Sadly, one of these statements is thus far patently untrue.

I feel the need to clarify, because I feel the term "bullying" is egregiously overused, especially when describing adult interaction.

I don’t think “bullying” means “not getting along with someone.”  Not even “being mean to someone you don’t like.”  Bullying means a pattern of behavior.  It is a constant belittling of someone by someone else in a position of either real or perceived power.  If you put me down, and you mean nothing to me, I can get away from you, or disregard you, or fucking punch you.  But if you work with me…and are tenured and I am temporary faculty…I have no choice but to take every pot-shot “joke” with a smile on my face and quietly flip you off under the table while I fantasize about all of the job applications I am going to send out over the looming break.

There are two ways this kind of niggling could be interpreted:

1) Certain people are so insecure/threatened by the fact that people like me that they are determined to take offense at every joke I make and then bite back with deliberately hurtful jabs, or...

2) They THINK that they are bantering with me, and just really suck at it.

I'll admit that I have been assuming #1, but #2 just occurred to me as a possibility.  Either way... Bitch, please.

I will not apologize for being cute, funny, smart, and younger and thinner than you.  Perhaps you think I am trying to needle you because you actively try to offend people on a regular basis so that they won’t stand up to you.  That’s not who I am.  I don’t need to intimidate to get what I want.  I prefer to just be GOOD AT WHAT I DO.

Go ahead…mock the research I’m talking about.  You do know that I came here from a world-fucking-class research institution, and that work was done by someone with a Ph.D. AND an M.D. and sponsored by not one, but two tenured professors at said institution?  And that it has opened up a whole new field of research that nobody thought was even possible?

Go ahead…sip your Riunite and 7-UP while someone else goes to open the beer you brought me because you “didn’t know they still made beer that wasn’t a twist-off.”  I’m sure you’re right, that it’s strictly some sort of hipster affectation, and has nothing to do with pry-offs involving cheaper bottling equipment and providing a better seal against oxygen.

And go ahead…make implicit threats that you’ll be here longer than I will.  THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.

You just keep thinking you’re better than me.  Meanwhile, I’ll be moving on to bigger and better things.

In short: GO FUCK YOURSELF.