Bully is as Bully Does.

I’m at a point in my life where I am forced to admit that I ain’t no spring chicken.  I’m a grown-ass woman of 35 now, which means that I can’t even pretend I am anything other than a grown-ass woman. 

There are certain things I always thought would be true by now:

1.  I would have a house.

2.  I would have a husband.

3.  I would have decided what I want to be when I grow up.

4.  I would have at least one child, and probably a puppy.

Sadly, none of these are true.  Well, #3 is half true, but while I have decided what I want to be, I haven’t decided how or where I want to be it.

 

There are also certain things I thought wouldn’t be true by now:

1.  I wouldn’t have to worry about whether I’m in the right job.

2.  I wouldn’t have to worry if I’m good at my job.

3.  I wouldn’t have acne.

4.  I wouldn’t have to deal with bullies.

Sadly, one of these statements is thus far patently untrue.

I feel the need to clarify, because I feel the term "bullying" is egregiously overused, especially when describing adult interaction.

I don’t think “bullying” means “not getting along with someone.”  Not even “being mean to someone you don’t like.”  Bullying means a pattern of behavior.  It is a constant belittling of someone by someone else in a position of either real or perceived power.  If you put me down, and you mean nothing to me, I can get away from you, or disregard you, or fucking punch you.  But if you work with me…and are tenured and I am temporary faculty…I have no choice but to take every pot-shot “joke” with a smile on my face and quietly flip you off under the table while I fantasize about all of the job applications I am going to send out over the looming break.

There are two ways this kind of niggling could be interpreted:

1) Certain people are so insecure/threatened by the fact that people like me that they are determined to take offense at every joke I make and then bite back with deliberately hurtful jabs, or...

2) They THINK that they are bantering with me, and just really suck at it.

I'll admit that I have been assuming #1, but #2 just occurred to me as a possibility.  Either way... Bitch, please.

I will not apologize for being cute, funny, smart, and younger and thinner than you.  Perhaps you think I am trying to needle you because you actively try to offend people on a regular basis so that they won’t stand up to you.  That’s not who I am.  I don’t need to intimidate to get what I want.  I prefer to just be GOOD AT WHAT I DO.

Go ahead…mock the research I’m talking about.  You do know that I came here from a world-fucking-class research institution, and that work was done by someone with a Ph.D. AND an M.D. and sponsored by not one, but two tenured professors at said institution?  And that it has opened up a whole new field of research that nobody thought was even possible?

Go ahead…sip your Riunite and 7-UP while someone else goes to open the beer you brought me because you “didn’t know they still made beer that wasn’t a twist-off.”  I’m sure you’re right, that it’s strictly some sort of hipster affectation, and has nothing to do with pry-offs involving cheaper bottling equipment and providing a better seal against oxygen.

And go ahead…make implicit threats that you’ll be here longer than I will.  THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.

You just keep thinking you’re better than me.  Meanwhile, I’ll be moving on to bigger and better things.

In short: GO FUCK YOURSELF.