Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars...

Let's make this one our Long-Distance Dedication.  Tonight's dedication comes to us from #1 in Indianapolis, IN.  #1 writes*:

 

#1 says:
will you please post a blog about nkotb?  please include comments on their recent today show appearance, the new single "summertime" and their upcoming tour...fyi -- the chicago show is SOLD OUT and i can't get tickets now...
Wahooty says:
lol...that sounds JUST like a letter to casey kasem.  or possibly ryan seacrest.
#1 says:
let's go with ryan seacrest...he's lamer and let's face it, nkotb is LAME

* Names in the preceding IM excerpt have been changed to reflect the involved parties' identities on the Alchemist, and so as not to confuse readers who don't know me as well with trying to figure out which of us is Beth and which one is Bethany.

 

We'll be right back after a word from tonight's sponsor. 

Inspired by an item on Chowhound, the author is drinking a sparkling shiraz.  I think it was this line that got me:
In fine-wine circles, to admit that one likes sparkling Shiraz is tantamount to prattling on about your devotion to A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila at a PBS fund-raiser. 

We all know how I feel about Ms. Tequila.  That is SO something I would do.  (Even though the second season sucks - I watch it in much the same way I watched that damned "Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious" show...a girl simply must have something for background noise when she's doing the dishes at 4 on a Saturday afternoon.  But with what I've seen so far of Season 2, it's a wonder my TV doesn't have handmade ceramic plate-sized holes in it by now.)**

**Um, what the author meant to say is, not that she's ever actually seen A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.  She has no idea who Tila Tequila is, or why Chad is such a douchebag.

It may be terminally uncool (some might even say it's a very special, Seacrest kind of lame), but it combines my love of red wine with my love of bubbles.  And goes well with pizza.

 

So, for those of you who didn't go through puberty in the late 80's/early 90's, NKOTB stands for the New Kids on the Block.  Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I have to say now that, even as an 11-year-old girl...I never really liked them that much.  I mean, there were individual songs that I liked (Hangin' Tough), but I really didn't understand why they were supposed to be so cute, or why it was hot to listen to a pre-pubescent boy singing falsetto (Please Don't Go Girl).  Although I did spend more than one 6th-grade dance feeling appropriately sad when nobody asked me to dance to that song, seriously - never understood why Joey was the one everybody loved.  I kinda got on board with the Donnie thing, but never Joey and Jordan, who were the ones that everybody obsessed over and wallpapered their lockers with.  I remember one of my friends being incredibly devoted to Jon, and I remember thinking she had a point.  He was cute, in a completely underrated kind of way.

 

But, if we're being honest, my fandom was fleeting.  I distinctly remember faking jealousy when my friend Katie told me at the bus stop one morning that her mom had gotten tickets to their concert.  Since I relate all of my life experiences to episodes of Sex and the City, imagine the episode where Miranda fakes a sonogram.  Except Miranda is 11 and has a bad home perm***.

***As opposed to a good home perm.  Man, the 80's were a bad time to go through your awkward stage.

 

Well, 20 years later, Donnie has gotten into acting (although with less success than his younger brother Mark, of the Marky variety.  Sadly, nobody seems to know what became of the Funky Bunch.  They were last seen vibrating in a most sweet sensation), Joey has had a solo (sort of) career and a season of Dancing With the Stars, and Jordan has been on The Surreal Life.  One might ask oneself, "Self, what more could one hope for in life beyond the Saw sequels, the paso doble, and rooming with Charo?"

 

Well, if you're Jon, the answer would be, "Panic attacks and real estate."

 

And if you're Danny?  Well, I'm not sure anyone asked Danny.  I'm actually not sure Danny speaks at all.  In group interviews, he is always relegated to the back of the pack and the others seem to look at him with looks that say, "One peep and there's a rolled-up newspaper with your name on it on the tour bus." 

 

Or tour minivan...tomayto, tomahto.

 

Which is too bad, because I happen to think that he is now the hottest one.  Sure, he still looks like a monkey, but now he looks like a hot monkey.

Yep, that's right kids, the New Kids have reunited.  And #1, as much as she likes to SAY they're lame, couldn't be more excited.  She set her DVR to record their appearance on the Today show to announce their reunion.  They weren't even performing...just announcing.

Yep, she's one of Them.

So, on the day of the actual performance on the Today show, I asked if she had seen/taped it.  I, much to my own chagrin, HAD seen it because it so happened that it was on the morning following the aforementioned neck injury.  Oddly enough, WebMD doesn't warn you that neck injuries may result in being subjected to 80's boy band reunions while waiting for a heating pad to loosen up your muscles enough to restore your mobility.

Yep, I watched it.  I watched the whole damned thing.  But I assure you, it wasn't out of loyalty to the New Kids...it was out of loyalty to Matt Lauer.

#1, on the other hand, missed it, and had forgotten to set her DVR, so she asked me how it was.  I had no choice but to be honest.

 

It was not good.  But, thanks to the magic of the interwebs, and in the spirit of Request Week (tm), I offered to re-evaluate in the form a drunken recap.  So here you go:

 

Medley:

Wow.  Okay, first of all, the sound guy needs to be sacked.  I can only hear one of you at a time during "Step By Step," and even one is too much.  Especially since it seems to be a different one of you every time, and it's never the RIGHT one.  It's certainly not the right pitch.

The dance break is an art form that should not be taken lightly.  A straight-up dance break is only kosher if you actually DO SOME DANCING.  Synchronized wiggling will not suffice.

A very, very sick part of me enjoyed the "bauwm-chicka-waum-WAUM" music shift as you peeled off your jackets.  However, I don't think I enjoyed it in the way you intended.

As much as I never got the appeal of the falsetto, a grown man singing high but deliberately not going there is even more confusing.  And it's a shame, because I think Joey is the only one who actually has a good voice at this point. 

...or did, until your voice cracked.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's supposed to happen 20 years after puberty.

One of you full-on cracked up in the middle of "The Right Stuff."  Admit it - you think this is as ridiculous as the rest of us do.

Speaking of ridiculous, you're still doing the dance steps THAT WERE LAME 20 YEARS AGO.  Seriously, the Roger Rabbit takes greater finesse.

Number of times Donnie screamed "NEW YORK!" : 3

 

Summertime:

Oh, I KNOW you did not just namecheck the year 1988.

I've given more intricate choreography to 10-year-old boys.  YOU PEOPLE ARE NEARLY 40.  YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.

I guess maybe you could say it takes talent to talk in rhythm and pretend it's singing...

...In falsetto.  Jordan, you are such a douchebag.  I guess it's nice to know some things never change?

Seriously???  You're still waving one hand and calling it choreography???

 

Tonight:

Wow.  Pick a pitch.  It's not like you're harmonizing.  You're all singing the same part, so please...sing...the same part.

Oo, bouncing.  Killer choreography, boys.

DANNY SPEAKS!!!

Mentions of it being "like riding a bike": 2

"humbling": 1

"the fans": 5

Bouncing AND a pseudo-kickline bit.  Wow.  Now that's what I call originality.  I can imagine the choreography rehearsals now:

"Wait...is it step, THEN heel?  Or heel, then step?  Dude, I am WICKED confused right now.  This is so humbling.  I'm so glad we have the greatest fans in the world while riding a bike in NEW YORK!!!  What do you think, Jon?"

Jon?

<Jon breathes into a paper bag while cowering behind Jordan>

 

That's about all I have to say about that.  And I have a sneaking suspicion I've already said too much.  Part of me wishes I were more excited that they're kicking off their first tour in 15 years in Toronto, but mostly I'm just waiting for the other Horsemen to show up.

 

Personally, I blame Boston.