You're the inspiration.

So...you may have noticed that things have been a little quiet around here.  Well, if I'm being totally honest, life has been a little dull of late.  If I were to write about what I've been up to lately, it would go something like this:

 

1.  Ate lots of things that were bad for me.

 

2.  Haven't been working out.

 

3.  Put on enough weight to officially make my pants not fit. 

 

4.  Yeah, right.

 

5.  Nursed a sinus infection for a week and a half.

 

6.  Watched WAY too much Veronica Mars.

 

7.  Spent sick days subsisting on nothing but ramen noodles and marked-down easter chocolate while watching Veronica Mars.  Well, that pretty much covers items 1-6 in one fell swoop.

 

Lather, rinse, repeat.  So you can see why I've been feeling a lack of inspiration lately - none of those experiences really scream, "Now I must WRITE!!!"  With the possible exception of the Veronica Mars - I am a huge fan and devoured all 3 seasons in the space of about 2 weeks.  With about two episodes left to go in the series, I put my finger on the primary thing that kept me coming back.  I mean, the mystery/private eye bit is very engaging, but for me, there has to be a little something extra to keep me hooked.  I had thought it was the snark (which is quite liberally applied throughout the series, and we all know what a fan I am of snarkitude), but it's more than that.  There is a relatively high grab-and-kiss factor.  We all know what a fan I am of the g&k - thus, the satisfying moments are excessively so.  Also, lots of forehead kisses.  I'm convinced that one of the writers must have been a short woman and/or a tall man with a short girl fetish, because forehead kisses are near and dear to the hearts of all us short girls.  Strangers will kiss you on the cheek, lovers will kiss you on the lips, but only someone who loves you will kiss you on the forehead.  Well, someone who loves you and who just doesn't have the energy to stoop over very far.  I've found that I generally date guys in the range of 5'10"-6'1" - I believe this is because this is the perfect height differential for two of my favorite forms of affection: the resting of his chin on top of my head during the hug, and the forehead kiss.  I know what some of you are thinking: "Dude, you're 5'3".  You don't need a 6" guy for that..."

 

But this midget likes to wear heels.

 

The midget also likes to digress.

8.  The Yeti Strikes Back.  Frequent readers may remember the Yeti.  For you newbies, click the link.  The poll should still be active - vote early and often, kids.  This is what Bigfoot looks like:

Chatty Nasal Girl is still trying to convince me that the Yeti Likes Me likes me.  However, I'm the only one who actually knows Yeti, so therefore mine is the only opinion that matters.  Frankly, I am just happy to have pretty flowers, regardless of the motivation.  I'm just hoping that the wilty bits will hold on until those last two lilies open for me.  So far, everything seems to be going strong.  Yetis have expensive taste, which tends to result in gifts with long shelf-lives.

 

9.  Went to the Hart House Orchestra concert in the Great Hall.  Any fellow Torontonians (or future visitors to Toronto) with Harry Potter fixations would be well-advised to attend an event in the Great Hall at Hart House.  I didn't invite anyone to go with me this time - none of my friends that are actually interested in classical music really needed to witness firsthand the effect that seeing the VGLM in a tux, carrying a violin, has on me.  Luckily, I am sophisticated enough to know that it is not, in fact, considered appropriate to throw one's panties on the stage at such an occasion.  That man will be the death of me.  Or, at the very least, of my dignity.

 

All told, this doesn't make for a very interesting post, despite the fact that it's taken a wee turn for the interactive (unlike the Great Hall, here it is COMPLETELY appropriate to throw undergarments.  Preferably lacy ones).  So here's what we're gonna do: I've been thinking for a long time about doing a theme week.  Mup did one a while back (Beatles week, where each post was inspired by the title of a Beatles song), and an impromptu one this week.  And since I've been eating pretty well this week, starting to shed some of my clearance candy weight, and slowly getting back into as much of a gym routine as my still-tickly lungs will allow (translation: lots of yoga, not so much with the swimming/running), I'm starting to fit in my pants again, feel a little less down on myself and a little more ready for a wee bit of inspiration.  So here's what we're gonna do - my theme of choice is....

 

<drum roll>

 

...Audience Participation.

That's right, it's All-Request Week here at The Alchemist!  Here's how it's going to go: you suggest topics for me.  I will use your suggestions for my next week's worth of posts.  As per Mup's self-imposed rules, a blogging week is 5 posts, although if there are enough interesting topics, I am willing to work through the weekend or even pull overtime.  So, what do you want me to do?  Explain what, exactly, it is that I DO at work?  Always wanted to know what my favorite color is?  Detailed analysis of the homoerotic overtones of the Danger Mouse/Penfold dynamic and my extended conspiracy theory that Penfold is, in fact, a marmot, and not a hamster as previously believed?  Force me to sit through an episode of American Idol or Paradise Hotel and live-blog every excruciating moment of it?  Want to know why there is no number 4, or what, exactly, makes me so Goddamned awesome?

 

Okay, so that last one doesn't count, because pretty much every post I write is an attempt to answer that question and if I haven't by now, I'm sure I never will.  Anyway, requests can be silly or serious, sacred or profane.  You can submit requests a number of ways:

1.  In the comments.  This has the benefit of giving you the option of submitting your idea anonymously.

2.  E-mail me via my profile.  This has the benefit of allowing you to submit an idea privately, so the rest of the class won't know what's about to hit them.

3.  Telepathy.  The best of both worlds.  Although your chances of getting through aren't so good.  Direct-dialing this midget's brain may result in a busy signal.

4.  Bitch, please.

 

So have at it.  Tell me what you want to know - you no suggest, me no write. 

Heh heh heh...you might call it cruel or unfair, I call it blogmail...