I want you to want me.

"Hi, honey, how was your day?"

I don't always have someone around to ask me that, particularly when I actually had a day that I want to talk about. But let's be honest...isn't that why I have this silly thing? I mean, The Alchemist is always here for me - it doesn't make me talk when I don't want to, but it always listens when I had a good day, or a miserable one, or one that was just plain funny. So here I am, once again, because yesterday was just an...interesting day. Let's begin with my horoscope:

You can gain solid ground today in your quest for stability. Fortunately, this goes beyond financial security, touching also on areas of emotional satisfaction. If you have recently suffered from issues related to low self-esteem, it's time to reconnect with a more positive view of you. Set new goals and move boldly toward them without reserve.

And let's throw in today's for good measure because I think it's applicable to the writing of this post:

Your thoughts are racing all over the map as the scattered Gemini Moon moves through your 8th House of Transformation. You are able to observe every idea from a secure position within your own mind. Explore all the possibilities by playing out every combination of feelings that you can, without becoming attached to any outcome. This isn't about making decisions. It's about letting your imagination loose without worrying which way things will really go.

So my day officially began at 9:30, when we started marking exams. At 6, we finished. That's a LONG freakin' time to be grading the same question, over and over, on at least 250 papers. Cooped up in a small, hot room with 9 other people. After two nights in a row of being a couple of hours shy on sleep. Basically, it's a setting primed for punchiness, and it set in even faster than usual. I realized when I left that I hadn't even taken a bathroom break in the 8 1/2 hours I was there - don't ask how I pulled that off, I'm not entirely sure myself. Suffice it to say, though, we were all a little loopy by the time the marks were all recorded.

Now, I was supposed to go to a TPMG social that was starting at 7. And while a beer was sounding like heaven on earth after all of that marking, trying to be charming and social with 30 strangers...wasn't. I mean, when I'm in that state of mind, I can't be trusted around strangers. These perfectly lovely people would never knew what hit them - being on my best first-impression behavior for an entire evening? Smurf that, yo. So I made my way back to my building, hoping I'd run into someone that would want to go have a beer with me that knew me well enough to deal with my goofy-ass mood.

Enter the VGLM. He's working at an instrument as I walk by, so I stop to chat with him. I tell him about my day, and he says, "you need a beer!" I confirm that yes, indeed I do, tell him about the social that I'm not sure I can quite muster up the motivation to go to, and throw in a, "so if you're going to be around and want to go for a beer in a bit, you know where to find me." And to my very pleasant surprise, he takes the bait! We decide that after he wraps up what he's doing, we'll go have a drink. Color me all kinds of excited. Then a couple of his labmates are heading out for all-you-can-eat sushi and invite him, so he invites me along. Now, I'm a little disappointed that I will no longer get the one-on-one time with the VGLM, but I do enjoy his labmates and I REALLY enjoy all-you-can-eat sushi! Besides, had they not been there, I never would have gotten so many choice stories about the VGLM (there was mention at one point of a rainbow-colored hula skirt), or gotten to sit next to him so that I could enjoy the occasional fleeting arm or leg brushes. I like to think that at this point I was taking my horoscope to heart - all evening I tried to flirt with confidence, keeping any whiffs of desperation at bay. I think I did pretty well. We eventually relocated to a pub for a couple of pitchers, where I managed to get more lingering arm contact as he leaned over periodically to see what was happening in the hockey game. It was just an all-around good time - I laughed a lot, and my goofy mood and silly stories made them laugh.

This morning I was thinking about the simple, effortless fun I had last night, and realized one of the biggest reasons I really like the VGLM. I can talk to him about anything...tell him any embarrassing story, or tell him about any guilty pleasure I have, and I never feel like he is judging me. Most people I know don't really know how to handle my quirks - usually when I'm in a group I end up feeling like a hyperactive weirdo. And that's fine - most people could stand to spend more time around someone who will stir things up, and every group needs a hyperactive weirdo of some sort. It's a fun role to play. But everyone needs to have people to come home to who make them feel normal. People who don't just love you in spite of your quirks, but who never even notice them as odd. And the VGLM does just as many goofy things as I do - he laughs at my stories without ever rolling his eyes or pulling the old smile-and-nod - and then proceeds to tell an even goofier one. It's like it never even occurs to him that this chick is a weirdo. I leave conversations with him feeling passionate and inspired - it's not every day that you find someone like that in this world. I'm comfortable with him in a way I am with very few people, which is why I'm glad I at least have him as a friend. Of course, I'm still completely smitten with him, and if he ever gives me the slightest indication he's interested, I'll be all over that. But I can't make him want to be with me, all I can do is give him plenty of opportunities to figure it out on his own.

I asked my Magic 8-Ball if I was going to date the VGLM.
The response: Without a doubt.

Then I asked if he was ever going to ask me out.
The response: Outlook not so good.

I hate it when I have to do all the work.