Whine and cheese

I've had this song stuck in my head for the last couple of weeks. It's my ringtone, but my phone rarely rings so I think it's on an endless loop for some other reason. So maybe if I lead off with some lyrics, it'll retreat. Besides, they're kind of appropriate for what follows:

You say I'm crazy
'Cause I can't make up my mind
But I won't let it faze me
'Cause if I leave all these thoughts behind
You'll see that you've got
Someone who's wastin' your time
But that's all right, 'cause I got
Someone who's wastin' mine...

It's in the way you move...
Baby, what you doin' to me?
Can't stand it, can't hold back
Every time I see you get beautiful, beautiful
It's in the way you do
Baby what you're doin' to me
The way you shine, strum your chords
The way you're mine, the way you sing your words

Cause you had me at first glance...

Oh honey, you're dangerous....

-G. Love and Special Sauce, "Beautiful"

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day. Started off cloudy and damp, but shaped up to be sunny, just the right amount of breezy, and basically just what spring should be. A friend who was lucky enough to have the day off invited me to have a drink on a patio somewhere after work and really, who can say no to that? When the sun began to disappear behind the buildings and it started to get just a tiny bit chilly on the patio, I headed back to work to pick up my stuff and head home. Normally, that would be a perfectly lovely way to wrap up my day.

But life never works out quite like you think it's going to, even in trivial matters.

When I got back to work, the place was mostly empty. Until I noticed that the VGLM was still there. (Yep, I'm whining about him again. And I'm sure you're sick of reading about it, but hey, it's my blog - you people just live in it. And it's too late to call or IM anyone to obsess to - this is the only safe place to ponder.) Fueled by my glass of wine on the patio, I wandered back to say hi. Turns out he had just gotten out of a rough 90-minute talk with his boss, so we went out for a beer and wing therapy session. Through the course of the hour and a half or so we spent together, I realized something: I am in serious trouble. I started noticing imperfections. Odd facial expressions, a goofy way of walking - things that make him real, and human. Imperfections are where infatuation leaves off, and real feelings start to take hold. As long as I'm keeping him on an unattainable, idealized pedestal, we're safely in crush territory. It's silly, it's girlish, obsessive, but fun. But sitting across the table from a guy who you are starting to really be able to see yourself with as he's telling you that dating is currently running dead last on his list of priorities...that. just. sucks. Especially since I've been in his position - when I was at the same point in grad school, I made a conscious decision to not pursue any serious relationships. And I'm sure I missed out on a couple of great things as a result - knowing what I know now, would I really have been any worse off if I'd dated someone really special...someone I could have had a chance at a future with? Of course, I'm not suggesting the VGLM would feel that way about me under other circumstances - I refuse to do the whiny obsessive girl thing, trying to analyze what's going on in his head when there's really no way for me to know one way or the other.

I just wish I wasn't feeling that way about him.