You know, I find that the way I write changes based on who I think/know is reading. And lately, I've been so caught up in my own head that I'm back in a place where I find myself writing as though I don't really think anyone is reading at all - kind of like how I write my Chowhound posts (it still always strikes me as weird finding out anybody is actually READING those damned things). You know what happens when you do that?
Really boring blog posts.
I mean, let's face it. I am, when it comes down to it, an entertainer at heart. I thrive on feedback. So I figured maybe I needed a little reminder that there are, in fact, people out there. Well...that is, if any of you still are. In order to find out, I thought it was high time to see what sort of Googling people were doing to land themselves on this here blog. Now, my Google hits have been pretty quiet due to a lull in publication, but there have been some interesting trends of late. Let's begin, shall we?
1) By far the number one Google that gets people here is some iteration of the phrase "like agnes, agatha, jermaine and jack." FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE. You should KNOW where that comes from. The man...the poet...the damn bard himself...Biz Markie. In the immortal classic, "Just a Friend."
It's not so much a rap song as spoken-word poetry. If you landed here trying to find out what happened to Biz, my deepest apologies for landing on a post full of my 30th-birthday navel-gazing. The last I saw of him he was still spinning and did a season of Celebrity Fit Club. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I still love ya, Biz.
2) Lately (and by lately, I mean in the last two days or so - WTF?) there have been a flurry of hits based on the following phrases:
"blerg spelling" "blerg ikea" "blerg umlaut"
Okay, was there a 30 Rock rerun on in the States that I missed? I can't imagine why so many people have such a sudden, desperate need to know how "blerg" is spelled.
For the record: it has an "e" not a "u" and an umlaut over the vowel. And I silently judge you if you spell it wrong.
Oh, who the hell am I kidding - ain't nuttin' silent about it.
3) Mike L. - someone I sort of knew in college. Am now feeling mildly guilty about including his last name in a post, something I make a policy of never doing. But he was kind of a celebrity...if you went to UVa from 1994-1998. I feel better if I imagine him Googling himself. More pathetic for him, less for me.
4) There is no #4. Sadly, this phrase has never turned up in my keyword analysis, although it certainly should have.
5) Once again, many searches for Wahooty. {waves} Hiya! Guess you found what you were looking for!
6) Many more for "pennsic onion dome beth." Um, see above. {eyebrow raise}
7) "cheating on boyfriend with labmate." Wow, that is weirdly specific. Thankfully, I have never done that. But I'm DYING to know who did...apparently somewhere in Tennessee.
8) "the alchemist porn" I have no idea what that would be. Some sort of allegorical porn where some really well-hung dude starts a journey to find the perfect silicone lay, learns to use a set of ben-wa balls to make decisions and turn dildos to gold, only to find that Jenna Jameson was [SPOILER ALERT] lying spread-eagled under a tree in his hometown the entire time?
On second thought, I should TOTALLY make that movie.
These last couple, BTW, land you square on my homepage. Um, not sure what that says about me exactly.
9) And, in the "um, what?" category, we have a tie:
"bengay scentless" and "breaking up is hard to do clapping"
Yes, actually, it is. It is always difficult to break up with someone, but even more so if they are applauding while you're doing it.
10) Finally, the one that showed up TWICE today and inspired, nay REQUIRED me to write this post:
"is it safe to eat cheese that smells like feet"
This has been Wahooty, at your service. Thank you, and good night.
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