The More You Know

Things I learned tonight:

1) It's easier to run in platform heels than to walk in them. Seriously - I take back the many snide comments I have made about horror/action movie heroines that went something like, "no way can she outrun a serial killer/sex-crazed zombie/radioactive slug in those things." I shall now only make snide comments like, "no way can she take the dog out to piddle in those things."

2) Action movies are a lot more enjoyable if you can completely ignore any references to science and technology. Unfortunately, this takes a great deal of effort on my part. I mean seriously, if you're not going to at least CONSULT with a nerd to make sure you're using the terminology within a reasonable margin of error, then just have the decency to flat-out make shit up. I can ignore it if you're using made-up terms. I cannot ignore it when you're mispronouncing "fourier transform" and completely misunderstanding what carbon-14 dating is. I happen to know for a fact that most screenwriters are actually really big nerds - why do they let these things happen? In a movie with a budget in the hundreds of millions, they could have thrown a couple hundred dollars in the direction of some anal-retentive goober (aka ME) to slap them for shit like this. Hell, I would've done it for free if they'd just let me spoon the LeBoeuf for an evening. (LeSigh)

3) Optimus Prime still kicks ass. Not that I didn't already know that.

4) Meh.

5) A classic 70's Camaro is infinitely cooler than a new one. Again, not that I didn't already know that, but it's nice to be reminded of these things.

6) The Canadian public as a whole apparently disagrees with me when it comes to #5. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the American public probably does too, or at least they do now because Michael Bay told them to.

7) I am not nearly cool enough to be on Queen St. W. at 1am. Nor am I showing enough cleavage, midriff, and leg. Nor will I ever.

8) A subway ride is apparently not enough time for three loudly drunk (and possibly lesbian) girls to come up with a plausible alibi as to where they've really been for the last 12 hours. It is, however, enough time for me to gather that THIS IS A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION and LINDSAY CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR HER and THEY ARE GOING TO THE SAME STATION I AM. Oh, and one of them has been mixing her liquors all night, saw Ratatouille yesterday, and thinks she needs to throw up. I have never gotten off of a train so quickly in my life. Meanwhile, the guy next to me rolling a joint seemed unfazed - then again, I doubt that there's very much that WOULD faze him.

9) The package of cookies I was munching on all day yesterday apparently contained some fructose. This has been happening to me a lot lately - I'm either getting careless when I read labels, or the ingredient labels flat out lie to me, or I have picked up some other trigger that screws up my digestive system. Whatever it was, it's hard to feel hot (and harder to drink the beer you've ordered to toast someone's birthday) when your stomach is in knots. And it's a shame, because I actually WAS looking pretty hot, but didn't get to properly enjoy it. I hate it when that happens.

10) I can apparently eat sushi in a sexually suggestive manner. This should come as no surprise to anyone who ever ate souvlaki with me in college.

11) I use the word "apparently" a lot. Apparently.

12) My horoscope has grown bored with predicting my future and has now decided to just screw with me:

You are comfortable with your own desires for pleasure today as sensual Venus hooks up with your key planet Pluto. You know exactly what you want and you are ready to go for it. But this will not necessarily make it any easier to get your needs fulfilled, so don't frustrate yourself by setting your expectations too high.

Who knew the cosmos was such a freakin' smartass?

Okay, my legs are getting restless which means it's past my bedtime. Besides, I need to get an early start tomorrow - my sex drive isn't going to just frustrate itself. I hope you all had your own educational evenings, or at least learned something from mine...