...it must have something to do with the vanished frontier." - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Yeah, so I saw the G-bomb guy again last night.
You know how sometimes you meet someone, and you find yourself thinking about them more and more, and you figure you've built the whole encounter up into something more than it is? Like, you must be projecting some sort of fantasy onto this person - you don't really know them well, so you fill in what you don't know with what you wish they were, and the sparks you keep thinking about are really just a figment of your overactive imagination. When you actually come face-to-face with that person again, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about, right?
Huh. Not so much.
Let's just call this guy Berger - if you've never watched Sex and the City, then you won't get that, but just go with it.
It sucks when you've managed to talk yourself down from the dangerous ledge that is a developing crush on a guy with a girlfriend, only to spend another evening being carried right back up to an even higher one. Because the thing is, I now know that it WASN'T just me - Berger enjoyed hanging out with me a lot. He told me so. He notices things about me...the jewelry I'm wearing...the way I look without my glasses on...really absorbs the things I say to him...if he were available, this would be about the time he would be asking me out. But he's not, so instead I'll go at least another couple of weeks without seeing or hearing from him - just long enough to convince myself I really don't like him that much after all - only to repeat the cycle all over again. And the fact of the matter is, I know I'll do just that. Because I can't obsess over or encourage myself to continue this crush, because it's just an exercise in futility. But I also can't just stop liking someone I click with because it's so rare that I run into a personality that strikes a good balance between complementing and challenging my own. Of course, if he really does turn out to be my Jack Berger, it's a blessing that he's taken, because he'll only end up dumping me via Post-It and honestly, who needs that? So here's how I'm feeling about the whole situation:
think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you
i could make you happy you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do
...
y'know, i don't look forward
to seeing you again soon
you'll look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
and i won't know what to do
and i won't know what to say
-Ani DiFranco, "Untouchable Face"
Oh, and speaking of challenges, I now have it on the authority of not one, but TWO heterosexual men that the VGLM is, in fact, very good-looking. One said, and this is a direct quote, "you need to tap that. That is all." Of course, the problem there is that while he may be single, he's probably even more untouchable than Berger. I mean, people make it sound so easy - don't you think I WOULD have tapped that by now if it were possible? The VGLM is so out of my league it's not even funny. It's not like I can just walk up to any guy I want and say, "Hey...you...c'mere. You and me. Let's go." Some women can pull shit like that off - I am SO not one of them. And I'm having a hard time figuring out what "my league" is these days anyway. So...yeah. Maybe that eharmony thing will help me figure it out, because I'm feeling kinda lost here.
In other news, I fell down a flight of stairs last night, so think of me as I try to let my tailbone heal for a couple of days. If I sound a little extra mopey, it's because being confined to a chair with nothing but a heating pad and ice pack with which to amuse yourself does tend to break your spirit a bit. But at least I did meet some more really cool people last night, even if they do all think of me as the dumbass who fell down the stairs. But better to be infamous than not famous at all, right?
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