Things That Make Canada Funny, eh?

1. The girl on the bus who was drinking chocolate milk out of a carton while furiously studying the back of a package of nail color dilutor. My primary question being this: why didn't she drink the whole carton at once? She closed it, then reopened it a few stops later. Chocolate milk is not something that requires pacing oneself - it is a binge item. It's not like it was a gallon - we're talking a pint carton here, people. Much like nail color...does one really need to dilute it so one doesn't overdo the color ecstasy? Maybe she is just a poster child for moderation - Canadians do seem to believe in it in more ways than one. My other question is, why was it nail color dilutor, not nail coloUr dilutor? This is Canada babe...if you don't like it, take your filthy cosmetics to the States, bitch!

2. On the same bus, I swear I heard (and I am not making this up) the phrase, "I SO want to be a gym teacher." Dude. Nobody WANTS to be a gym teacher. They WANT to coach, they WANT to have an excuse to work out all day, but they don't WANT to make an obese 15-year-old run a 5K.

3. Some random guy on the same bus who was TOTALLY eavesdropping on the same conversation I was. But dude. You're wearing snowpants with honest to God PATCHES on the knees. You have no room to judge.

4. Friday Night After Dark on Showcase. Showcase is sort of like a weird hybrid between HBO and Showtime, but on basic cable. Starting around 10:30 on a Friday night, they begin airing what I call PornTV - a block of adult-industry-based reality tv programming, usually followed by a soft-core porn flick. Now, my question for you, loyal readers (all...what...5 of you?), is this: does it make me a bad person if I not only watch these programs, but am astute enough to catch the crossover appearances by certain performers? I mean, not only did I manage to notice that Dugmor (from Webdreams) appeared on Sin Cities (and get excited about it...like when I was watching Mean Girls and recognized Convo Hall), but during a segment I recognized Malezia's cornrows and said, "hey...she's been signed as a Vivid girl, so now she could even appear on Porno Valley!" That's three degrees of porn separation, folks. Yeah, I'm SUCH a loser.