Irresistible Bitch?

The other night, I was having dinner with a couple of friends. One of them asked, "What's the worst pickup line anyone has ever used on you?" And I couldn't really think of one - I have friends that have heard some AWFUL ones, but I couldn't think of a truly bad pickup line that's ever been used on me.

Today the reason occurred to me: I never get hit on.

Now, I realize the primary reason for this is that I don't typically go out to the places where guys hit on chicks. When I go out to bars, it's usually with my guy friends, and guys don't hit on you when you're hanging out with other guys. Fair enough. And on the rare occasion that I've been out at a club, I get randomly groped without fail (one of the perils of knowing how to effectively shake one's ass is that every guy in the club associates that ability with a girl that wants to Get Down. Dude...I do, as a matter of fact, enjoy Getting Down, but just because I know how to shake The Booty doesn't mean that grabbing it is an acceptable means of introduction.), but actual pickups are hard to come by. The only line I ever seem to get is, "Can I buy you a drink?" and those are even few and far between - I've gotten quite accustomed to picking up my own tab.

I'm not sure why this is. And don't try to use the "men are intimidated by a smart and attractive woman" argument. That might hold for people that know me, but strangers don't know I'm smart, and while I understand why men might be intimidated by a woman who is 5'10" and drop-dead gorgeous, I'm 5'3" and still look like I'm 16. I should be about as approachable as it gets - I'm Cute, but not Hot... maybe pretty, but not Beautiful.

I just don't get it.

Later in the conversation with this same friend, I was telling him something about another friend of mine, and he made some comment about how said friend is probably scared of me. I joked, "Why, do I scare you?" and his response was, "You scare the crap out of me!" That answer was entirely too quick and earnest to have been anything other than a gut response.

I caught him on IM later and asked him why. Scaring men - particularly smart, attractive, sweet ones such as this particular friend - is not something I want to do. He thought carefully about his response, and said, "It's just that you have very strong opinions. You need to be with a very confident guy who will have equally strong opinions and who can hold an intelligent debate. A less confident guy would just get run over. You wouldn't mean to do it, but it would happen nonetheless."

Now, this guy is one of my crushes - has been, pretty much since I moved here. He is incredibly smart, easy to be around, and very intriguing. He may or may not be reading this, which is why it has taken me a few days to write this entry - I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to talk about this on the off-chance that he might read it. But the fact remains, I now have proof that I scare men.

More importantly, I scare the kind of men that I would really like to date.

I've been told by people (among others, my parents, who make no secret of the fact that they are dying for me to settle down and procreate already) that I am too picky. And sometimes I wonder if they're right. But at the same time, over the last year, the grand total of men with whom I have gone out on anything that even remotely resembles a date comes to approximately:

...two.

It's not like I'm beating them off with a stick - they never even get within striking distance.

So I'm thinking I need to make a change of some sort. Obviously, I'm putting something out there that scares them off, and I don't want to do that. After all, you can't reject them if they're too scared and/or turned off to approach you in the first place. I need to find a new balance, because the one I'm currently holding is getting me nowhere; something is clearly out of whack, I just can't figure out what. The incredible guys without much confidence are scared of me...the incredible guys who ARE confident scare the crap out of ME. The guys who fall somewhere in the middle just... aren't that interesting. (shrug)

Last night, I was having this conversation with an old friend. He just said to me, "Beth -- just be yourself....you have a natural balance...don't try to create one."

Easy for you to say. You've known me since I was an insecure, 15-year-old weenie, and as an adult, you're one of the major reasons I don't trust men or my own judgement (this particular friend is a whole 'nother entry all his own). You think I'm balanced because, as far as you're concerned, I haven't changed since 10th grade.

I guess in a lot of ways I haven't. It's just that I've gotten very good at hiding that. Maybe that's the problem.