She Wants to Move

Something I have suspected and now confirmed about myself:

I am not white enough to be Canadian.

To look at me, I'm about as white as they come. My German/Irish heritage has left me with fair skin, blue eyes, and a rather uninteresting ash blonde haircolor. Physically, I fit right in with most of white Canada, and if it weren't for my general American obnoxiousness, I could probably pass myself off as a true Canuck if I really wanted to.

Until you get to The Booty.

I'm not sure where it came from - you don't often hear about the lusciousness of German asses or those kickin' Irish curves. But I was born with it, and many many years of dance have honed it to the point that it's one of my standout features. It has converted more than one professed Boob Man into an Ass Man.

The Booty is the one part of me that is Black.

Okay, maybe just Latina.

Friday night, I went to the Chem Club Spring Formal. The DJ came around during dinner, asking for requests once the dancing began. The people at my table requested things such as Madonna, salsa music...the funkiest it got was Justin Timberlake and (eye roll) Nelly Furtado.

(Side note: don't get me wrong...I love me some SexyBack. Favorite conversation of the night:

Me: [Friend], are you bringing sexy back?
Friend: Yes. It didn't work for me, so I am returning it.

And while I do enjoy some Nelly Furtado now that she's found the Funk, she gets way too much play here because she's Canadian. It's like going into a club in St. Louis - while I love me some Nelly, Chingy, etc., you leave desperately wishing they would play someone...ANYONE...who can pronounce the word "here" correctly. There are only so many times I can listen to Maneater and Promiscuous without screaming, and that threshold has been passed several times over since I moved here.)

Then the DJ got to me, and I decided what the hell.

Me: Do you happen to have Da Butt?
Lame-Ass White DJ: Um, what?
Me: (singing) Doin' da butt...ow, sexy sexy!
L-AWDJ: That's OLD...like, 70's?
Me: (completely appalled)

Dude, try 1988. You are about the same age as me, and while I am used to people not recognizing that song, YOU ARE A FREAKING DJ. But you are WAY more White and Nerdy than Ridin' Dirty - I should have known you would be too hopelessly white to play it for me. Even if it WERE that old, it wouldn't have killed you to at least play some decent 70's funk. Your throwback choices were ABBA...the Bee Gees...you could have at least thrown me the Brick House bone.

If I had asked for Pussy Control, you would have given me the Pussycat Dolls. (shudder)

Even some of the better choices were obnoxiously predictable...the aforementioned SexyBack...Golddigger...he played Drop it Like it's Hot, and the people I was with had to ask who sang it.

In a sea of white and Chinese chemists and engineers, The Booty stands out. My date at one point said, "You can dance...you've got some MOVES!" When you're born with a big butt and you go through school with a lot of black kids, you adopt a certain....style. In those days, I listened almost exclusively to hip-hop and R&B - rock didn't really have much of a presence on my playlist until I went to college. Even now, my favorite "rock" groups are those that have a funk element - I usually feel rock in my chest, hip-hop and funk in my hips, and my all-time favorite artists are those that can blend the two. And while my tastes have changed over the years, and groups and singers come and go from my rotation, The Booty never gets tired of classic funk, old-school rap and hip-hop. Proper dancing should make you sweat - it should make your thighs, butt, abs, and shoulders WORK. You can't DO that to Nelly Furtado.

I mean, even The Wedding Singer knew to throw in some Rapper's Delight every now and then.

The Booty has recently reconnected with an old middle/high school friend that lives in town. He remembers it from as long ago as 7th grade. As much as we have tried to avoid the club scene, I think it's going to have to cave and call him to get some help seeking out some quality ass-shakin' music in the Great White North. It had pretty much been hibernating for a long time, trapped in small-town Indiana for years...only putting in perfunctory appearances at weddings and such...but Friday night awakened it.

It's back, and this time, it's pissed off.